The Mask

I didn't write this, but I could have. :)

The Mask
by Wolfgirl

A mask of plastic happiness often covers her sadness
Her beliefs hidden from most
Afraid of, but willing to face the unknown
Wondering where her place is in this life
She has come close to sharing herself
Never completely revealing anything to anyone
Feelings of invisible chains corner her
When she dreams, reality shatters before her very eyes
Accomplishments she strives for just at hands grasp
She feels lost sometimes, not yet finding her notch in this world
At times the glimmer in her calm eyes slowly disappears
But within her heart a silent flame burns her inside and out
She roams day by day, playing roles
Strength unknowingly resides in her
History repeats itself once again
The translucent veil she so proudly wears
Little by little answers will come, pushing it aside
One day there will be no more mask for her to wear
One day her beliefs will be known
One day she'll know her place in this life
One day she will share herself
ONE DAY this mask will be NO MORE

Can You Hear Me Now?

http://www.philvaughan.org/hanging-by-a-thread-revisited-postsecret/

Sometimes I hear a hidden personal story hinted at in everyday language. What makes me not pursue finding out more. Is it that I don't know what to say or how I'll fix it? Is it that I don't want to be perceived as nosey? Is it that I care, but feel awkward showing it?

Mostly I don't know what to say. But I often hear stories. How do you let people know that you hear them? Do people hear me? What makes some ask for more of the story and others are fine with just a line?

This article is a good reminder that our stories are woven into our daily lives and we can choose whether or not we want to know more. I believe we all want to be heard.

Agnostic making Mormons look DUMB!

This is how I wish we could have conversations with people who think differently than us....not judgmental, with humility, just trying to understand how people think.......

Let me clarify: The title is not, in my opinion, a good description of the video. When I watched it, I didn't get the feeling that the agnostic was trying to make anyone look dumb, but that he was trying to get the morman's to think outside the box and question some of their traditional beliefs. THAT is what I am referring to when I say I wish we could have conversations like that, not the kind that make others look dumb. :)

Stay Hungry; Stay Foolish

How to live before you die.......great encouragement to listen to your heart, follow it, create your own path, and stop following others' paths.......

There are 3 stories on here, the best one, I think, is maybe the 3rd one that starts at 9 minutes.........


http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2011-10-11&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email

corporate vs. individual

These are lengthy videos, but the last one especially helped to clear some things up for me, or least have a place to go to ponder some more.......

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2011/10/13/can-you-lose-your-salvation-greg-boyd-and-mark-driscoll-in-dialogue/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thepangeablog+%28the+Pangea+Blog+%28Patheos%29%29

Are we really just passing through?

Kurt Willems asks some good questions.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2011/10/17/beware-or-you-too-may-be-left-below/

The Story of Stuff

Ask a Gay Christian...(Response)

Ask a Gay Christian...(Response)
Very deep, interesting commentary that I for one, feel the need to take very seriously. These people are not just statistics or 2 dimensional people, but real people with real experiences.....lots to process and think about....

Josh Garrels & Braddigan - Zion & Babylon

This guy is like a modern day prophet to me......after you listen to this clip, check out some the lyrics on his other songs.......

Zion & Babylon by Josh Garrels
Album: Jacaranda
Lyrics:
Oh great mammon of form and function
Careless consumerist consumption
Dangerous dysfunction
Described as expensive taste
I'm a people disgraced
By what I claim I need
And what I want to waste
I take no account for nothing
If it's not mine
It's a misappropriation of funds
Protect my ninety percent with my guns
Whose side am I on?
Well who's winning?
My kingdom's built with the blood of slaves
Orphans, widows, and homeless graves
I sold their souls just to build my private mansion
Some people say that my time is coming
Kingdom come is the justice running
Down, down, down on me
I'm a poor child, I'm a lost son
I refuse to give my love to anyone,
Fight for the truth,
Or help the weaker ones
Because I love my Babylon
I am a slave, I was never free
I betrayed you for blood money
Oh I bought the world, all is vanity
Oh my Lord I'm your enemy
Come to me, and find your life
Children sing, Zion's in sight
I said don't trade your name for a serial number
Priceless lives were born from under graves
Where I found you
Say, my name ain't yours and yours is not mine
Mine is the Lord, and yours is my child
That's how it's always been
Time to make a change
Leave your home
Give to the poor all that you own
Lose your life, so that you could find it
First will be last when the true world comes
Livin' like a humble fool to overcome
The upside-down wisdom
Of a dying world
Zion's not built with hands
And in this place God will dwell with man
Sick be healed and cripples stand
Sing Allelu
My kingdom's built with the blood of my son
Selfless sacrifice for everyone
Faith, hope, love, and harmony
I said let this world know me by your love
By your love
Oh my child, daughters and sons
I made you in love to overcome
Free as a bird, my flowers in the sun
On your way to Mount Zion
All you slaves, be set free
Come on out child and come on home to me
We will dance, we will rejoice
If you can hear me then follow my voice

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2011/09/22/n-t-wright-on-the-death-penalty-and-american-christianity/

The State Killed 2 Men Last Night

http://davidrhenson.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-state-killed-a-man-last-night/

The More I Seek You, The More I Find You

God's been writing. He knows exactly what to say. He knows what I need to hear. I've been listening, and I've been hearing.

He'll Restore My Soul

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

Even If To Write Upon My Heart

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are


Lord, please write upon my heart. It's my 35th birthday tomorrow, and I'm asking for a gift from you. I would love to have a personal message, written to me, from you. You're the one who gave life to me, and are now birthing new life in me. Can we have a one on one conversation tomorrow? What would you like to tell me?

OOPS. It's been almost a month........

These are so random. I apologize for any of you who might actually read this so-called blog.....I am all over the place........I'm hoping this is a place that as I sort it all out, a few things become more clear. Bear with me, or quit reading. It's totally up to you. :)

God finds us

I don't believe any single religion owns heaven or God - even a religion that tries to include everyone. When I say I'm a universalist, what I really mean is that I don't believe you have to convert to any particular religion to find God. As I see it, God finds us, and it has nothing to do with subscribing to any particular religious view ... Universalism says that a theology of grace implies salvation for all, because if grace could be limited to some people and not to others, ... it is in fact no grace at all ... grace is bigger than any religion. 

Spencer Burke

A heretics guide to eternity

Great food for thought and discussion.....what do YOU think?


Here's another one:
"I believe that our impulse towards grace is a reflection of
God’s image inside of us, not a weakness of which we should be ashamed"

I am mystified as to why it's supposedly such a bad thing for a Christian to have a "bleeding heart." We follow Jesus Christ, whose heart was so overflowing with compassion that he bled from his head, hands, feet, and side, and *still* forgave those who wounded him. It seems to me that a "bleeding heart" is something Christians should aspire to.

Check out her post at:
http://rachelheldevans.com/rob-bell-sbc-age-of-accountability

Love's Perfection

Love's perfection

A reflection on Matthew 5

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."



Grace seems too good to be true

In the hearts of those

Whose God is too small

Whose love demands perfection

Whose acceptance has some other

Source than God's own endless compassion



The one whose experience of life

Tells a different soiled story that

Cannot be reconciled with divine

Demands for perfection wanders

Lonely and confused in unfreedom

Lost on the wide path of autonomy



Sit for a while, you are in good company

Let your anxious grasping to be

Something else, someone else, somewhere else

Be quite and still- watch as now, just now

The gate that opens to the narrow path in

the center of your being swings as if



Moved by a gentle breeze

Even breath flowing from

The very heart of God

Carrying upon its fragrant currents

A love song that awakens


What had slipped into deep sleep



Terry L. Chapman



Start or join the conversation for this posting on the Emergent Village Facebook Page

A Gazillion Thoughts

So, I've started a gazillion posts in a draft, but haven't followed up on any of them. Life has really picked up the pace and I think it's not going to slack off. I'm a little concerned that it's going to get even crazier.

But that doesn't change the fact that I still need to process things and get them off my chest. So in an effort to work through some stuff without taking so much time, I am going to let you in on what's been catching my attention the last month or so by simply linking to the blogs or articles that have touched me. I may or may not leave my own comments, and so as not to overwhelm anyone who might take the time to read this, I will only post a few at a time. Feel free to leave your feedback.

I'll start in the order that I've been collecting:

"I believe that our impulse towards grace is a reflection of
God’s image inside of us, not a weakness of which we should be ashamed" - Rachel Held Evans in her blog post Rob Bell, The SBC and the Age of Accountability

I am mystified as to why it's supposedly such a bad thing for a Christian to have a "bleeding heart." We follow Jesus Christ, whose heart was so overflowing with compassion that he bled from his head, hands, feet, and side, and *still* forgave those who wounded him. It seems to me that a "bleeding heart" is something Christians should aspire to. - comments on her blog


http://rachelheldevans.com/blog?tags=theology&start=0

Comfort Zone

Okay, so, I've mentioned fire red hair and wigs, and I've been in pursuit of them for awhile now. I have yet to color my hair bright red for various reasons, but a few weeks ago, I did manage to purchase a wig for my head. Here is the story:

I have a friend whose hair is growing really thin, and in fact has bald places on her head, which make it really difficult to settle on a doable, cute style. (by the way, she has never cut her hair, and has bald spots from putting it up in a bun for so many years). It doesn't seem like she would be able to surgically have hair implants without spending a lot of money, but baldness is not a comfortable option either. So, I want to suggest to her that she starts wearing a wig. You know, a fairly realistic looking one.....there are lots of realistic looking wigs on the web, I have proof, because I might use some of them to describe how I want to get my hair cut.

Anyway, back to the story. I wanted to see firsthand what it was I would be asking her to do. Are they comfortable, are they itchy, what kind of care do they need, does it feel weird trying to make people believe it's your real hair, while you know it's not?

So, to find out firsthand, I purchased one myself. At the same time, I also wanted to do something that stretched me to an uncomfortable point, where I could also identify with others who lived an uncomfortable, misunderstood life. What better way then to purchase a wig as a white girl at a black girl's wig shop. :) I also want to eventually where a variety of wigs in the same way I wear accessories, you know, change up the scenery a bit. In order to take the stigma out of that, I just have to start doing it, right?

I purchased a wig with the help of some friends, and on the spur of the moment, decided to go shopping with it on my head. Looking back, that was a very poor decision. My hair wasn't tucked properly to remain hidden under the wig, and I think the color was too dark for my skin, and the bangs of the wig were to heavy. It was a split decision to wear it out of the shop, and it was a poor decision. But not all was lost, as I experienced exactly what I was expecting to. I was very uncomfortable, felt very self-conscious, while at the same time acutely connecting with those in our world who also feel conspicuous, out of place, and just want to belong, no matter how different they are.

What made this experiment even more uncomfortable was this: While shopping, I ran into several people I know who knew that this was not my hairstyle. I kept waiting for one of them to ask me if I was wearing a wig, but not one of them did. They just had this funny little look in their eyes, as I'm sure I did in mine. I was starting to loose confidence at this point too, and quite honestly was wishing I didn't have this thing on my head. I'm sure they all wondered why on earth I was wearing a wig, and I would have loved for them to ask me, so I could share a little of my story, but not one person did. I learned something from this as well.

This post wasn't supposed to get this long, so I'll summarize. Here's what I set out to learn or to do:

1. - be able to experience first hand the physical technicalities of wearing a wig first hand. (I learned what will work, and what will not work. I can honestly answer people's questions about wigs).

2. - I wanted to experience what it would feel like emotionally to go out in public around people I know who would make conclusions or assumptions about the way I looked. (It was very uncomfortable).

3. - I wanted to get out of my comfort zone in some way, so that maybe I can relate to others in not-so-comfortable (to me) situations. (definitely was out of my comfort zone). :)

4. - I just wanted them to ask me about my situation. Not out of judgment, but out of curiosity, or the attempt to understand. (Even though I didn't get asked, I learned that maybe others around me who might feel different from the status quo, might just want to have honest conversation and interaction from people trying to get to know them better).

(I wanted to upload pics here, but for the sake of time, it's not going to happen today. They might get posted on facebook one day. The pic I had on my profile of the curly hair was one I tried on, and now wish I had bought. Look for a short, dark cut eventually). :)

My Thoughts, Your Thoughts, Our Thoughts (I'm hungry for good conversation) Wanna Talk?

Can you relate to Crystal Lewis' articles, do they confuse you, or make you uncomfortable? What are your thoughts?

Rethinking the concept of Salvation

Which God are you talking about?

Extending Grace and Hope to One, Means Extending Grace and Hope To All

I love what this organization, love146 stands for. I want to extend grace and justice to ALL, not just those who seem to deserve it the most. We are ALL a mess, and our messiness started somewhere. We ALL need Healing. And Love. And Hope.

What are your thoughts on this?

http://love146.org/blog

The natural disaster of empathy overload

I can relate to this article , how 'bout you? What am I doing in my own community for those I see in need? Do my eyes even see the need?

Have I Lost Myself Or Is It Time For Me To Let Go?

This post from Crystal Lewis hits really close to home for me. http://www.crystalstmarielewis.com/2011/05/what-happened-when-i-let-go.html

Also, this post from Jeremy Myers. http://www.tillhecomes.org/help-im-lost/

Through Him

I just can't get this out of my head. My heart struggles with what I have been taught the fate of a certain group of people are, since they have chosen to live an alternative, atheist, or agnostic lifestyle. I might even be thrown in the same category for questioning the Creation Story. According to the church I grew up in and some friends and family, they are going to hell and will not be welcomed into the City of God at the end of their lives. I am struggling with accepting a God who looks at all their pain of loneliness and rejection and adds to it. Is this true? Is this the way He really is? I want to get to know the LOVE of God, but in the right way. Have we been placing His love in a box that we can pull out and pour on people when we're comfortable with it, but keep it hidden when we're uncomfortable?

Take this link for example http://www.tillhecomes.org/coked-up-whore/#comment-3185 . If she found herself in this situation, with no way out, and she's not aware that Jesus can rescue her, I still believe that he WILL reach down and RESCUE her, even if she doesn't ask him to, because he says THROUGH him, men (and women) are saved. And what does it really mean, To Be Saved, anyway?

So where does this put my friends? If they have been taught incorrectly about God's love and acceptance, and this resulted in hurt, rejection and/or hatred of Christianity, then are they really to blame for not accepting Christ? Or are we, the "church" to blame? If they don't ASK God to forgive them and Jesus to save them, does that mean He won't, because He wasn't asked? Or He won't, because they rejected Him first?  Is He as petty with His feelings as we are? It seems petty to think that if we don't love God, He won't accept us. I just struggle big time with this one.



Quote from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity:

"We do know that no person can be saved except through Christ. We do not know that only those who know Him can be saved by Him. "

I love that.

Non-Foolish Atheists

I wish I were brave enough to share this link with my friend who thinks atheists are fools. But just reading it myself made me feel better. Jeremy Myers gets it.

This article also made me feel worse. I AM A FOOL.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Can I vent a little? Thanks! I'm trying to get better at jumping on the computer as soon as I can when a thought hits  that I really want to share. I usually have to chase my kids off the computer, reminding them that it's not theirs, and enduring their constant questions of when will I be done.

Anyway, two thoughts that are bugging me today.............One: I read this on a friend's facebook page this morning: Happy National Atheists Day!   ‎"the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God".............I am having a hard time with this. I have good friends and relatives who are atheists, and I don't believe they are any more  foolish or wicked than I am myself. That statement, though pulled from the Bible seems very judgmental and mean. I know there's lots of stuff in the Bible that doesn't make you feel good, but to call others' fools as a way of shoving it in their face that you believe you are going to heaven and they aren't is very Christ like. I don't think David was taunting people when he said this.....I think he was simply enjoying his relationship with Christ and saying, man, y'all are missing out, in a loving way......as in come join the party! Not as in, You scum, you're going to hell, and I'm so glad, cause you deserve it, cause you're so stupid!!!!!

Rant Two: Yesterday a friend of mine was trying to remember if she had had her 20th anniversary yet.....and she said, Well my oldest child is 18, so I BETTER have been married 20 years!........I just bristled when I heard her say this, as if she had to prove she had been a good girl all her life. As if she would have had a child pre-marriage that it would make her a bad person. Why do people think that the obvious things we do that aren't approved of, make us bad people?!?!?!? What we do does not make us a better or worse person!!!! Grrr.......everybody has got their panties all up on a wad so tight while riding their high horses that the slightest though about them doing something wrong is a very bad feeling for them. I say, dig out the wedgy, get comfortable with yourself, and reach out to those who lead different lives then yours, and learn from them.

Untitled (Yes, I meant to leave this as the title)

So, like I've said before, there are so many things I want to say. So why haven't I posted anything yet? Every time I sit down to start, I realize that what I want to write/talk about is so wrapped up in something else and that something else is so complicated by something else, and on and on it goes. I don't know how to get started! Grr.

Just now, I am remembering something that bothered me Monday, so maybe I'll vent it out here. Someone told me - No matter what happens, God is always good, all the time. - or maybe it was - Even when bad things happen, God is good. - it was something along those lines. This is just prickly to me. Was God good to 10 yr. old Nubia who was born to a drug addict (I'm not judging the mother, it's just a fact), taken away from this mother, put in foster care, was eventually adopted, and experienced pain and suffering all her young life? The couple that fostered and adopted her abused her and her brother and ended up murdering her. If I was Nubia, I would be very confused about why this good God wasn't saving my life from all this pain. Why are some people born into a life of suffering and abuse, with no way out until death. What about the children in Africa who are dying of starvation and have been since they were born? http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=162046020481310&comments. For more information information

Rob Bell

So, I just wanna know - Have you read his books? Have you heard all the conflict surrounding this guy? Would you like to enter a discussion with me about him? If yes, then I have two requests. Please, read his stuff first. Then, don't SHOUT with capital letters and exclamation points, no matter whether what you're saying is positive or negative.

I really like what he has to say. I'm all for a God who truly loves us, even in our depravity. That's all I'm gonna say at this time. :)

Rainbows and Wild Hair

This is what my 5 year old daughter asked me today. Well, really, she told me this is what she thought. At first, I tried to assure her that this is his way of telling us he loves us. That he wasn't apologizing for anything. She kept saying, well, I think he's telling us Sorry for sending you Thunderstorms........Here's how it all went down.......

On the way to the Sitter's this afternoon, S (my daughter) said, - Why didn't God send us a rainbow today? It was raining, but he didn't send us a rainbow. So I told her that sometimes we can't see the rainbow, because other people are getting a chance to look at it somewhere else. She said - Well, God should tell us sorry for sending the rain and the storms. Her 7 yr. old brother M interjected that God doesn't send rainbows to tell us he's sorry. He sends them to promise he won't ever send a flood again. But my daughter, who doesn't like storms or rain, said - He should tell us he's sorry. And I think he sent the rainbow after the flood to tell the people he was sorry too. M kept trying to correct her, but this stopped me in my tracks. Because I wondered how long it would be before they remembered the images on the computer of the flooding in Japan. About that time, one of them said, - Mom, God said he wouldn't ever send a flood again, but he sent one to Japan! To them, what they saw on YouTube, looked like the whole earth to them.

This is the problem I have with Children's Bible Stories. My daughter has in her mind that God sends bad weather to mess us up. She gets mad at him. She wonders why he would do something like that. No wonder she thinks he owes her an apology. Then there's Abraham obeying God and preparing to slaughter his own son! This is not a children's story! How scary to think that God would even ASK Abraham to do something like that. What about Jonah? God seems to test and punish in really sick ways. And my baby girl is picking up on the fact that if you don't obey this God, then there will be severe consequences. That might work for some people, but I'm afraid it is stressing her out and scaring her off. Frankly, I'm a little scared off myself.

I've been wondering lately if God is anything at all like I have thought he is in the past. What in my childhood and growing up years led me to believe that I will never be able to please him, or that others will always have a closer relationship than I will with him.......I was taught over and over again that God loves us, has a plan for us, and these cute little stories and songs should make me believe that. But in order to be loved by God, I had to act and look a certain way, or I could not be a part of his family. Really??? Is that REALLY how he is? I'll love you if you make all the right decisions and do the right thing. Oh, and by the way, I want you to look like this, act like this, and talk about me like this, or people can't tell you're a part of my family. I can't love you unless you can love me back the way I want you to.

Hmm, I'm still pondering this one. There are an awful lot of people out there who don't look like me, don't talk like me, don't live like me. I tell them that God loves them and wants to change who they are. HUH? Why does he want to change what he created? He wants to live IN them, not change them. He created them in his own image. This tells me he loves each of us the way we are. So why do we make people feel like they have to change their personalities and  appearances to be a better person? We ask them to do that for us, to make us feel better. This isn't for God. I think God likes all the crazy, off the wall people that he created out of his own creativity. I like the way off the wall people make me feel like it's okay to challenge what I have always known to be the normal, preferred way of doing life.

If you see me with Fire Red Hair that has been cut in an Edgy Style, it's because I don't think God really cares what my hair looks like, or if it IS associated with Wild, Pushing the Limit kind of Punks. :) It's time to express the creative, wild child inside of me, and quit worrying about how it will make others around me look. It might help me connect better on some level with those with Hot Pink Hair.  ;)

Piano Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEPV4kolz0

So, I just listened to this song in my van, I mean, REALLY LISTENED, and it almost had me balling. Weird, huh? It made such an impact on me, that I youtubed it and linked it and it has now become my first entry into bloggers' world.

I have felt so lonely lately. Not because I don't have awesome family and friends, because I certainly do, but I just feel like no one knows who I really am, or what I experience on the inside. This is definitely not their fault, as they are all loving and nice, but it feels like I see the world so differently than most of them and they assume we see it the same. THAT is why it feels lonely. I don't feel like I'm truly living without voicing my inner heartbeat. And I'm tired of not truly living.

This blog is an attempt to open myself up to the discussion and conversation I am longing to have, to let people in, to have someone to talk to. I am by no means a writer, as you will see, there will be lots of run-on sentences, rants and rabbit trails, and rambling. I want to type it as it floods my mind, not re-type it to sound better. This means that it will come out raw, abrasive, overly passionate, and maybe even immature at times. Consider yourself warned.

And what is it that I want to discuss and converse about so badly? I tried to make a list, but that just wasn't working. As stuff comes up, I will post about it, which will lead to other issues, which will make me think of something else, which will put you on my rabbit trail with me, hopefully following me around till I get to where I was going.

You still may be wondering what on earth this song has to do with this post. When I first listened to it without any visual pictures, I felt all the loneliness, disappointment, sadness in these people's stories. But they found this commonality in each other and were an encouragement to each other, just by being together. I want to come together in a community of people where we can voice all the stuff that bothers us, be it right or wrong, and in this way, truly be ourselves and know each other for who we are. Does that make sense?

One more thing. I want Jesus to be a Piano Man to me. To play me songs that connect, that mean something to me. That only he knows I can connect with. I want him to stick around in my world, my own, hidden, personal world. A world that feels lonely and misunderstood. I don't want him to seem only to be available in places where I can't be real.

So, how's that for an opener? Let's talk. I would love to have conversation with you.