So, like I've said before, there are so many things I want to say. So why haven't I posted anything yet? Every time I sit down to start, I realize that what I want to write/talk about is so wrapped up in something else and that something else is so complicated by something else, and on and on it goes. I don't know how to get started! Grr.
Just now, I am remembering something that bothered me Monday, so maybe I'll vent it out here. Someone told me - No matter what happens, God is always good, all the time. - or maybe it was - Even when bad things happen, God is good. - it was something along those lines. This is just prickly to me. Was God good to 10 yr. old Nubia who was born to a drug addict (I'm not judging the mother, it's just a fact), taken away from this mother, put in foster care, was eventually adopted, and experienced pain and suffering all her young life? The couple that fostered and adopted her abused her and her brother and ended up murdering her. If I was Nubia, I would be very confused about why this good God wasn't saving my life from all this pain. Why are some people born into a life of suffering and abuse, with no way out until death. What about the children in Africa who are dying of starvation and have been since they were born? http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=162046020481310&comments. For more information information
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Rob Bell
So, I just wanna know - Have you read his books? Have you heard all the conflict surrounding this guy? Would you like to enter a discussion with me about him? If yes, then I have two requests. Please, read his stuff first. Then, don't SHOUT with capital letters and exclamation points, no matter whether what you're saying is positive or negative.
I really like what he has to say. I'm all for a God who truly loves us, even in our depravity. That's all I'm gonna say at this time. :)
I really like what he has to say. I'm all for a God who truly loves us, even in our depravity. That's all I'm gonna say at this time. :)
Rainbows and Wild Hair
This is what my 5 year old daughter asked me today. Well, really, she told me this is what she thought. At first, I tried to assure her that this is his way of telling us he loves us. That he wasn't apologizing for anything. She kept saying, well, I think he's telling us Sorry for sending you Thunderstorms........Here's how it all went down.......
On the way to the Sitter's this afternoon, S (my daughter) said, - Why didn't God send us a rainbow today? It was raining, but he didn't send us a rainbow. So I told her that sometimes we can't see the rainbow, because other people are getting a chance to look at it somewhere else. She said - Well, God should tell us sorry for sending the rain and the storms. Her 7 yr. old brother M interjected that God doesn't send rainbows to tell us he's sorry. He sends them to promise he won't ever send a flood again. But my daughter, who doesn't like storms or rain, said - He should tell us he's sorry. And I think he sent the rainbow after the flood to tell the people he was sorry too. M kept trying to correct her, but this stopped me in my tracks. Because I wondered how long it would be before they remembered the images on the computer of the flooding in Japan. About that time, one of them said, - Mom, God said he wouldn't ever send a flood again, but he sent one to Japan! To them, what they saw on YouTube, looked like the whole earth to them.
This is the problem I have with Children's Bible Stories. My daughter has in her mind that God sends bad weather to mess us up. She gets mad at him. She wonders why he would do something like that. No wonder she thinks he owes her an apology. Then there's Abraham obeying God and preparing to slaughter his own son! This is not a children's story! How scary to think that God would even ASK Abraham to do something like that. What about Jonah? God seems to test and punish in really sick ways. And my baby girl is picking up on the fact that if you don't obey this God, then there will be severe consequences. That might work for some people, but I'm afraid it is stressing her out and scaring her off. Frankly, I'm a little scared off myself.
I've been wondering lately if God is anything at all like I have thought he is in the past. What in my childhood and growing up years led me to believe that I will never be able to please him, or that others will always have a closer relationship than I will with him.......I was taught over and over again that God loves us, has a plan for us, and these cute little stories and songs should make me believe that. But in order to be loved by God, I had to act and look a certain way, or I could not be a part of his family. Really??? Is that REALLY how he is? I'll love you if you make all the right decisions and do the right thing. Oh, and by the way, I want you to look like this, act like this, and talk about me like this, or people can't tell you're a part of my family. I can't love you unless you can love me back the way I want you to.
Hmm, I'm still pondering this one. There are an awful lot of people out there who don't look like me, don't talk like me, don't live like me. I tell them that God loves them and wants to change who they are. HUH? Why does he want to change what he created? He wants to live IN them, not change them. He created them in his own image. This tells me he loves each of us the way we are. So why do we make people feel like they have to change their personalities and appearances to be a better person? We ask them to do that for us, to make us feel better. This isn't for God. I think God likes all the crazy, off the wall people that he created out of his own creativity. I like the way off the wall people make me feel like it's okay to challenge what I have always known to be the normal, preferred way of doing life.
If you see me with Fire Red Hair that has been cut in an Edgy Style, it's because I don't think God really cares what my hair looks like, or if it IS associated with Wild, Pushing the Limit kind of Punks. :) It's time to express the creative, wild child inside of me, and quit worrying about how it will make others around me look. It might help me connect better on some level with those with Hot Pink Hair. ;)
On the way to the Sitter's this afternoon, S (my daughter) said, - Why didn't God send us a rainbow today? It was raining, but he didn't send us a rainbow. So I told her that sometimes we can't see the rainbow, because other people are getting a chance to look at it somewhere else. She said - Well, God should tell us sorry for sending the rain and the storms. Her 7 yr. old brother M interjected that God doesn't send rainbows to tell us he's sorry. He sends them to promise he won't ever send a flood again. But my daughter, who doesn't like storms or rain, said - He should tell us he's sorry. And I think he sent the rainbow after the flood to tell the people he was sorry too. M kept trying to correct her, but this stopped me in my tracks. Because I wondered how long it would be before they remembered the images on the computer of the flooding in Japan. About that time, one of them said, - Mom, God said he wouldn't ever send a flood again, but he sent one to Japan! To them, what they saw on YouTube, looked like the whole earth to them.
This is the problem I have with Children's Bible Stories. My daughter has in her mind that God sends bad weather to mess us up. She gets mad at him. She wonders why he would do something like that. No wonder she thinks he owes her an apology. Then there's Abraham obeying God and preparing to slaughter his own son! This is not a children's story! How scary to think that God would even ASK Abraham to do something like that. What about Jonah? God seems to test and punish in really sick ways. And my baby girl is picking up on the fact that if you don't obey this God, then there will be severe consequences. That might work for some people, but I'm afraid it is stressing her out and scaring her off. Frankly, I'm a little scared off myself.
I've been wondering lately if God is anything at all like I have thought he is in the past. What in my childhood and growing up years led me to believe that I will never be able to please him, or that others will always have a closer relationship than I will with him.......I was taught over and over again that God loves us, has a plan for us, and these cute little stories and songs should make me believe that. But in order to be loved by God, I had to act and look a certain way, or I could not be a part of his family. Really??? Is that REALLY how he is? I'll love you if you make all the right decisions and do the right thing. Oh, and by the way, I want you to look like this, act like this, and talk about me like this, or people can't tell you're a part of my family. I can't love you unless you can love me back the way I want you to.
Hmm, I'm still pondering this one. There are an awful lot of people out there who don't look like me, don't talk like me, don't live like me. I tell them that God loves them and wants to change who they are. HUH? Why does he want to change what he created? He wants to live IN them, not change them. He created them in his own image. This tells me he loves each of us the way we are. So why do we make people feel like they have to change their personalities and appearances to be a better person? We ask them to do that for us, to make us feel better. This isn't for God. I think God likes all the crazy, off the wall people that he created out of his own creativity. I like the way off the wall people make me feel like it's okay to challenge what I have always known to be the normal, preferred way of doing life.
If you see me with Fire Red Hair that has been cut in an Edgy Style, it's because I don't think God really cares what my hair looks like, or if it IS associated with Wild, Pushing the Limit kind of Punks. :) It's time to express the creative, wild child inside of me, and quit worrying about how it will make others around me look. It might help me connect better on some level with those with Hot Pink Hair. ;)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Piano Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEPV4kolz0
So, I just listened to this song in my van, I mean, REALLY LISTENED, and it almost had me balling. Weird, huh? It made such an impact on me, that I youtubed it and linked it and it has now become my first entry into bloggers' world.
I have felt so lonely lately. Not because I don't have awesome family and friends, because I certainly do, but I just feel like no one knows who I really am, or what I experience on the inside. This is definitely not their fault, as they are all loving and nice, but it feels like I see the world so differently than most of them and they assume we see it the same. THAT is why it feels lonely. I don't feel like I'm truly living without voicing my inner heartbeat. And I'm tired of not truly living.
This blog is an attempt to open myself up to the discussion and conversation I am longing to have, to let people in, to have someone to talk to. I am by no means a writer, as you will see, there will be lots of run-on sentences, rants and rabbit trails, and rambling. I want to type it as it floods my mind, not re-type it to sound better. This means that it will come out raw, abrasive, overly passionate, and maybe even immature at times. Consider yourself warned.
And what is it that I want to discuss and converse about so badly? I tried to make a list, but that just wasn't working. As stuff comes up, I will post about it, which will lead to other issues, which will make me think of something else, which will put you on my rabbit trail with me, hopefully following me around till I get to where I was going.
You still may be wondering what on earth this song has to do with this post. When I first listened to it without any visual pictures, I felt all the loneliness, disappointment, sadness in these people's stories. But they found this commonality in each other and were an encouragement to each other, just by being together. I want to come together in a community of people where we can voice all the stuff that bothers us, be it right or wrong, and in this way, truly be ourselves and know each other for who we are. Does that make sense?
One more thing. I want Jesus to be a Piano Man to me. To play me songs that connect, that mean something to me. That only he knows I can connect with. I want him to stick around in my world, my own, hidden, personal world. A world that feels lonely and misunderstood. I don't want him to seem only to be available in places where I can't be real.
So, how's that for an opener? Let's talk. I would love to have conversation with you.
So, I just listened to this song in my van, I mean, REALLY LISTENED, and it almost had me balling. Weird, huh? It made such an impact on me, that I youtubed it and linked it and it has now become my first entry into bloggers' world.
I have felt so lonely lately. Not because I don't have awesome family and friends, because I certainly do, but I just feel like no one knows who I really am, or what I experience on the inside. This is definitely not their fault, as they are all loving and nice, but it feels like I see the world so differently than most of them and they assume we see it the same. THAT is why it feels lonely. I don't feel like I'm truly living without voicing my inner heartbeat. And I'm tired of not truly living.
This blog is an attempt to open myself up to the discussion and conversation I am longing to have, to let people in, to have someone to talk to. I am by no means a writer, as you will see, there will be lots of run-on sentences, rants and rabbit trails, and rambling. I want to type it as it floods my mind, not re-type it to sound better. This means that it will come out raw, abrasive, overly passionate, and maybe even immature at times. Consider yourself warned.
And what is it that I want to discuss and converse about so badly? I tried to make a list, but that just wasn't working. As stuff comes up, I will post about it, which will lead to other issues, which will make me think of something else, which will put you on my rabbit trail with me, hopefully following me around till I get to where I was going.
You still may be wondering what on earth this song has to do with this post. When I first listened to it without any visual pictures, I felt all the loneliness, disappointment, sadness in these people's stories. But they found this commonality in each other and were an encouragement to each other, just by being together. I want to come together in a community of people where we can voice all the stuff that bothers us, be it right or wrong, and in this way, truly be ourselves and know each other for who we are. Does that make sense?
One more thing. I want Jesus to be a Piano Man to me. To play me songs that connect, that mean something to me. That only he knows I can connect with. I want him to stick around in my world, my own, hidden, personal world. A world that feels lonely and misunderstood. I don't want him to seem only to be available in places where I can't be real.
So, how's that for an opener? Let's talk. I would love to have conversation with you.
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